Today was our last day in class. I have had a lot of things to reflect on since I began this class. It has helped me come to realize even more strongly the importance of making sure our families have a sense of belonging, to ensure that all our family members feel love and comfort in their family. It has helped me think about some of the things that I also need to improve on in my life. I’m so grateful for my family. My parents have had a great impact on me and I hope one day to do the same for my children. It has truly helped shape me who I am today. I hope we all continue to seek the ones in our family that are always in need of love, and may we involve the Savior to guide us and teach us on the best way to love and teach our families.

Parenting is a privilege and honor to bring children into the world and help them grow and develop to become the best that they can be.  In our children’s lives they will have many teachers, at school, their peers, at church, etc. However, parents are the greatest and most influential teacher they will have in their lives.

Rosemary Wixom said, “The world will teach our children if we do not, and children are capable of learning all the world will teach them at a very young age. What we want them to know five years from now needs to be part of our conversation with them today. Teach them in every circumstance; let every dilemma, every consequence, every trial that they may face provide an opportunity to teach them how to hold on to gospel truths.” Parents need to seek the guidance of God for the best way to teach their child to help them have success. I’m grateful for my parents who diligently sought the guidance from a loving Heavenly Father to help me become the best that I could be. They taught me to serve, work, and to seek to know my Heavenly Father. May we be our children’s teachers and teach them the way to know their Heavenly Father. 

This past week we discussed the importance of managing money in family. Something that my parents have always shown me is that in marriage it is never "my" money. It is "our" money. They expect equal ownership of the income, even though my mother isn't working. However, with this concept in mind they have never had to engage in arguments over who's is whose.  The spending of money should be on the same level basis, with both spouses agreeing on how to spend the money. It’s important to decide what’s important and what is not. Marvin J. Ashton said, “In the home, money management between husband and wife should be on a partnership basis, with both parties having a voice in decision and policy making.” It’s so crucial to communicate about how you will spend your money as a family. Steve Albrecht said, “Poor financial management can destroy an otherwise stable family, and many divorces can be traced to quarrels over money.” Let us put the things first that matter most on what we spend in avoiding quarrels that can have a damaging effect on the ones we love. 

In the bible we read, “Let not corrupt communication proceed from your mouth.” Corrupt communication meaning degrading comments, gossip, anything that hurts, shames, humiliates, or causes pain. This can be a problem in families, because sometimes the people that are closest to us seem to be the ones that we hurt the most. So how do we overcome this? In the bible we also find the answer to this question. Someone asked Christ what the greatest commandment was. He said to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, soul, strength, and mind. This is the first step we need to take in avoiding corrupt communication. If we love Him we will have a greater desire to love others, because we will be filled with His love. Christ then says that the second greatest commandment is similar. We are to love others as we love ourselves. Of course this isn’t always easy. We’re not perfect, but how can we be better about loving others? President Eyring once said, "If you ponder the scriptures and begin to do what you covenanted with God to do, I can promise you that you will feel more love for God and more of His love for you." As we begin to reflect on the scriptures, and our covenants of who we are, we will have a greater desire to love and avoid “corrupt communication.” 

In the family unit it is unavoidable to have challenges, trials, or a family crisis. Each of our families at one point or another will be faced with a crisis. How we choose to respond to those moments can change the relationships we have within our family. It can strengthen them, or it can diminish them, but we make the decision of how it affects us and our family. For example, I was about 13 years old when my parents told me we were moving to the opposite end of the United States. I was upset, sad, mad, and I didn't want to go. To me at the time, even though I was only 13, it was a crisis. I would lose my friends, and I didn't know how to be the new kid and make new friends. We moved, and for some time it was miserable and it was a challenge for the rest of my siblings too. However, my parents were positive, understanding, and supportive during this time. With time, it turned this "crisis" into a great experience that has helped me learn, grow, and become more independent. As Elder F. Enzio Busche said, "Embrace this day with enthusiastic hope, no matter how it looks." If we apply this to our lives, with our families, and we embrace any day with hope through any challenge or crisis we will be able to reap the benefits and blessings from it and our family relationships will strengthen in this challenge.

            This past week we discussed the topic of marriage and sexual intimacy. It’s interesting to know that intimacy can be affected by whether or not the couple is civilly married or not. There seems to be more satisfaction in a couple who is married than a couple is cohabiting within their intimacy.

            Something that has been key I’ve been thinking about a lot this week is the family relations in how we teach our children.  Parents have a divine responsibility from God to care and provide for their children. In the famiy proclamation it states “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” Parents have this responsibility in their family to teach their children. This applies to teaching our children about sexual intimacy and when and when it isn’t appropriate. We live in a world where it isn’t a subject we can avoid teaching our children about our bodies and the precious gift it is. Gordon B. Hinckley even addressed a statement to parents to “Teach their children the sanctity of sex, that the gift of creating life is sacred”

            Family relations are very crucial. Family when built upon the teachings of Jesus Christ truly brings great joy into our lives. Family truly does matter. Children need the divine guidance of their parents, to teach, guide and direct their lives to help them become as their Heavenly Father sees them in becoming. 

This past week we discussed a lot about dating. We defined that it becomes a date when it's paired off, paid for, and it's planned. We discussed how is this is similar to what a father does at the head of his family. The father provides, protects, and presides. These qualities a father has, of preside, protect, and provide to planned, paired off, and paid for. It's interesting how that connects or is just natural.

Conversations have come up multiple times, here at BYU Idaho, about how dating is such a hassle. How sometimes it can be exhausting to go out with someone and not really connect with them during the date. Many people I know have gone on many dates, and then become frustrated, because nothing seems to be working out. I wouldn't argue with that. It is frustrating at times. At times I think it's easier just to be single, because then you don't have to be worried about all the stress that comes when you're dating someone. However, a friend of mine told me something the other day, and she's married. She said, "You think you have everything, but you don't." She was referring to her marriage, and the joy that she has had with her family. Looking at my parents example of marriage I know they're happy, and   there couldn't be anything that could replace that happiness.

This past week we discussed the differences and similarities that men and women both have. We discussed how some may think or believe that we influence our sons and daughters of who they should become. For example, we coax our sons to play more with action toys, cars, etc., and our girls to play with dolls, ponies, etc. We discussed what if we changed the toys we give our sons or daughters to play with? Could gender switch their roles each others inner qualities that boys and girls have?  What they found is it's not that simple. You will find that majority of the time that girls will still want to play with dolls and boys will still want to play with their action figures. It's not something we can influence, not to say that boys and girls wouldn't play with each others toys because it happens, but it's something majority of time that just comes natural to a boy or girl. We were each divinely created by an Almighty God, our Heavenly Father. He has created us differently, male and female, for us to engage in His eternal plan.

This week we focused a lot on the variety of different cultures and the part they play in the family unit. Much of the culture that was discussed was from the Hispanic culture, and the unique styles the Hispanic culture has. I had the opportunity to be surrounded by the Hispanic lifestyle while I was serving my mission. Some of the greatest, kindest people I know are the people I met on my mission. I never met people that were so giving and wanted to give you all they had, even when they had nothing. They are a very humble people. Not to say that there is a perfect culture/lifestyle out there. I think there are many cultures that have great qualities. I believe learning about cultures and finding the great characteristics they have and applying some of those aspects in our families can allow us to be more open-minded and have stronger family relationships. 

This week the topic of having a good relationship with you and your spouse affects the rest of the family unit with your children. This came up in my Family Relations class, and also in some of my other classes. It's amazing how much of having a strong, stable relationship with your spouse can greatly benefit your children. It's true though. The husband and wife do have a solemn responsibility to love and care for their children. When there are clear and established relationships with parents and then their children, the family is functional.

            This past week in my Family Relations class we’ve been a lot about different scenarios in the family unit of what a family is. Something that has stuck out to me is how more and more the “traditional family” of having a husband/father and a mother/wife is seen less and less important. From discussing this in class, I’ve been reflecting more and more about the blessings I have received from having both a mother and father in the home. I am so lucky to have the parents I have. I have met people on my mission who have been abandoned by their parents, or they are missing a father, or mother in the home. Whether this occurred through divorce, teen pregnancy, a death of a parent, etc. this makes things difficult. However, if we take the family we do have and we love them, forgive them, abandon all our selfish desires to align our will with God’s will in protecting our family we will find steady healing.

I am Alicia Alley and I am currently attending BYU Idaho. One of my classes, Family Relations, requires us to keep a blog of our thoughts and beliefs about the family. I will be sharing my views and beliefs about why the family unit does matter. This is something I have come to know more and more throughout my life, especially in the past eighteen months serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had the opportunity, as a missionary, to work and serve several different families and to see some of these relationships strengthened. I will be sharing my thoughts on the topics we will have in class and how I have seen, through experiences why family matters.